2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
