Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Send help, water and tortillas.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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