White coat. Heels.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
