white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
this boner is exhausting
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
