he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
