It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
