One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
