they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
