i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
