Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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