wrigley field is MILF paradise
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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