I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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