I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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