He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I feel like a drive thru vagina
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
