You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
