Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
