I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We left an ass print on the piano.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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