can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
