so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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