OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
