so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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