Where did you get a picture of my penis
Don't make out with my wife yet
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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