hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Acid is not a monday night drug
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
