So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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