Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
