I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
