Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
