Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
