I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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