Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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