found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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