I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
