What did we do last night that was yellow?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
