Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
