she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
