no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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