I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
