What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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