The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
