I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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