I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
