Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Found your dick twin last night
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
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