so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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