Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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