why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My vagina just recognized that song.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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