Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
