i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
