Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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