Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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