My hair reeks of homosexuality.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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